MY PERSONAL STORY
Hello, my friends~
Here is the longer story of why I am here and offering my life in service in this particular way. This has been a long and interesting, hair-raising, and wondrous journey.
It seems to me that if you are curious about me, it is to find out why I do these things, and what views and experiences inform my work. The story below is a personal history. It is expressed as a series of I-statements, but beyond this tale, my focus is on the Universe and our unitive experience within it. Perhaps you will feel my motivations and abilities in reading this. My whole life expression so far has been an exploration of Context, Scale, and my 3rd Point of Emergence: Delivering. I am here to deliver the goods. That is what drives me. And, the goods are your own emergence, selected and enacted by you~ the liberation of your human creative imagination and unique spirit. This is an ancient tale, a tale of wonder, told by you, told by history.
So~ I was a child looking for answers, food, and safety, in a very dangerous and violent environment. I turned to the natural world, bees and dogs and trees and sky, and found real relationship with the wind, the sunlight, dirt, grass, climbing, and using my body, so that I could feel things that were free and unencumbered, away from people. Later, I discovered that people could be safe if they were actively having fun and I was in charge~ so getting people to come to school early was the goal. We could all play kickball before the early bell rang, so I did that daily, and began a lifelong joyful experience in bringing people together to really DO things. I discovered that no matter how much pain was inside, I could create joy outside, and so I organized kids for art projects, and adventures. I also discovered the endless freedom of learning, and of writing, poetry and short fiction, and live theater scripts. This was all going on by age 12. I read incessantly, Aldous Huxley, Alan Watts and Thomas Merton, who introduced me to the idea of a personal relationship to eternity. Then, I found Taoism, a really, really, really large, encompassing, and non-separatist context into which I could open.
I somehow survived my very dangerous and hungry childhood, and after discovering that I could not get a degree in Philosophy and another in Theology, I ran off to San Francisco with a handsome man. There I created a fabulously interesting life on my own, discovering the Sunset, the Richmond, Mt. Sutro, Mt. Tam, Golden Gate Park, and wound up at the top of Fillmore at Pacific in a spanking white tower. I went running at 5am at the Marina, watched the tugboats pull out into the bay. I was cooking, entertaining, and learning all I could about how to run the accounting department of a savings and loan. I LOVED macroeconomics. By day I ran with powerful men and women, and by night I ran amok all over the beautiful city. I learned a LOT. I fell in love, fell out of love. Fell in love, fell out of love. I became on officer of the bank, and lost myself.
By age 30 I decided I was through with all that. I basically gave up all forms of self-destruction, became deeply interested in prayer and meditation, and tried VERY hard to become an Episcopal nun, in a fully-habited retreat order. I knew I had a vocation to religious life, and I was determined to find the right home to enact it, in service of humankind. That did not work. So I converted to Roman Catholicism. I found my way to the Missionaries of Charity in Anacostia MD, where the senior nun was the 1st person to truly understand why I was there. She saw me, my impulse, drive, and desire to be in eternity while focused in the now, and to bring that power to people on the street, every day. In a very brief series of encounters, she brought me the sense of being known truly as a person with a focused dedication, and that taught me how to do the same for others.
Ultimately I had to move beyond my idea of serving the world through religion. My meditative power and my devotion to prayer were not expressed fully enough in that context, and I found that having a named religion created a separation between me and the people I wanted to engage. I had discovered that PEOPLE are the message~ each individual person is a message of power and freedom for the whole world.
Eventually I developed a painful recurring heart issue~ angina~ so after working in Fortune 50 companies with great effect for my final decade, gave up the world of accounting. I decided that I had to throw myself on the care and stewardship of the Universe, the same one I trusted for helping others. It would direct and nourish me, or I would fail, but I could not live two lives anymore. I was ALL IN. That was 2001.
I have been on my own since, but I was on my own for 60+ years before that, in a miraculous world of people, animals, plants, elements, dynamics, and forces. I felt, however, that I was only visiting humanity, in all its beauty and nastiness. My true engagement was with the Universe itself. I embraced, at one remove, the calamity, the agony, the extraordinary power of each moment which reveals us. I could feel all the pain, all the fullness, no escape! But I sensed all along that I was made differently, and could express at a bigger macro. What does that mean! So I set out to discover that scale and context.
I now know that I live on the Eternal Economy~ I trust the universe to bring me before the right people, who wish to reveal themselves further. I do not like to market for money. I like to reach out and be visible, be approached, give my attention and tutoring, deliver the goods, and receive compensation for my time and skill. I still feel, at age 65, that it is all philosophy, theology, creation stories, storytelling~ your engagement and desire plus my time, dedication, love, aversion, and learned techniques. I have a fee structure so that I may continue to live and work where I have most effect. Eventually I will need and have much more funding, for travel around the world in enactment of my projects.
I believe in the process. I believe that everyone is correct and all things are true, in their own context and at their own level of scale. No one needs to be forgiven. We are all here together, and elsewhere. Let us express with great power, and let it be beautiful. The extremes of ugliness and cruelty are just as present as the beauty of the creative moment. Destruction is here, and so is a beginning. I believe in all of it. Tell me what you want to do. I will listen, and if I can, I will help you to find your ceiling, floor, window, doorway, vision, or rest. It is my honor and pleasure to do so, and people tell me that they enjoy the methods I offer, and do find inner positive change which they can keep. I started in the natural world looking for a real change. So I assume you need more than theory and words, too.
Lastly, I do not believe that the Universe was created from nothing. I believe that everything was created from something, and I have no need at all to describe that something. I just mention it because it gives me a slightly different perspective. And always, what I am interested in, is YOUR vision and request, because that is what brings you here. I work with macros of consciousness all the time, and call them Archangels, but that is a topic I approach with no common boundaries, so each person must inquire in their own way. I have learned a lot, I have many deep and some rare skills, and I can teach them to you, or listen to you as you inquire into practical eternity.
Ferol
Hello, my friends~
Here is the longer story of why I am here and offering my life in service in this particular way. This has been a long and interesting, hair-raising, and wondrous journey.
It seems to me that if you are curious about me, it is to find out why I do these things, and what views and experiences inform my work. The story below is a personal history. It is expressed as a series of I-statements, but beyond this tale, my focus is on the Universe and our unitive experience within it. Perhaps you will feel my motivations and abilities in reading this. My whole life expression so far has been an exploration of Context, Scale, and my 3rd Point of Emergence: Delivering. I am here to deliver the goods. That is what drives me. And, the goods are your own emergence, selected and enacted by you~ the liberation of your human creative imagination and unique spirit. This is an ancient tale, a tale of wonder, told by you, told by history.
So~ I was a child looking for answers, food, and safety, in a very dangerous and violent environment. I turned to the natural world, bees and dogs and trees and sky, and found real relationship with the wind, the sunlight, dirt, grass, climbing, and using my body, so that I could feel things that were free and unencumbered, away from people. Later, I discovered that people could be safe if they were actively having fun and I was in charge~ so getting people to come to school early was the goal. We could all play kickball before the early bell rang, so I did that daily, and began a lifelong joyful experience in bringing people together to really DO things. I discovered that no matter how much pain was inside, I could create joy outside, and so I organized kids for art projects, and adventures. I also discovered the endless freedom of learning, and of writing, poetry and short fiction, and live theater scripts. This was all going on by age 12. I read incessantly, Aldous Huxley, Alan Watts and Thomas Merton, who introduced me to the idea of a personal relationship to eternity. Then, I found Taoism, a really, really, really large, encompassing, and non-separatist context into which I could open.
I somehow survived my very dangerous and hungry childhood, and after discovering that I could not get a degree in Philosophy and another in Theology, I ran off to San Francisco with a handsome man. There I created a fabulously interesting life on my own, discovering the Sunset, the Richmond, Mt. Sutro, Mt. Tam, Golden Gate Park, and wound up at the top of Fillmore at Pacific in a spanking white tower. I went running at 5am at the Marina, watched the tugboats pull out into the bay. I was cooking, entertaining, and learning all I could about how to run the accounting department of a savings and loan. I LOVED macroeconomics. By day I ran with powerful men and women, and by night I ran amok all over the beautiful city. I learned a LOT. I fell in love, fell out of love. Fell in love, fell out of love. I became on officer of the bank, and lost myself.
By age 30 I decided I was through with all that. I basically gave up all forms of self-destruction, became deeply interested in prayer and meditation, and tried VERY hard to become an Episcopal nun, in a fully-habited retreat order. I knew I had a vocation to religious life, and I was determined to find the right home to enact it, in service of humankind. That did not work. So I converted to Roman Catholicism. I found my way to the Missionaries of Charity in Anacostia MD, where the senior nun was the 1st person to truly understand why I was there. She saw me, my impulse, drive, and desire to be in eternity while focused in the now, and to bring that power to people on the street, every day. In a very brief series of encounters, she brought me the sense of being known truly as a person with a focused dedication, and that taught me how to do the same for others.
Ultimately I had to move beyond my idea of serving the world through religion. My meditative power and my devotion to prayer were not expressed fully enough in that context, and I found that having a named religion created a separation between me and the people I wanted to engage. I had discovered that PEOPLE are the message~ each individual person is a message of power and freedom for the whole world.
Eventually I developed a painful recurring heart issue~ angina~ so after working in Fortune 50 companies with great effect for my final decade, gave up the world of accounting. I decided that I had to throw myself on the care and stewardship of the Universe, the same one I trusted for helping others. It would direct and nourish me, or I would fail, but I could not live two lives anymore. I was ALL IN. That was 2001.
I have been on my own since, but I was on my own for 60+ years before that, in a miraculous world of people, animals, plants, elements, dynamics, and forces. I felt, however, that I was only visiting humanity, in all its beauty and nastiness. My true engagement was with the Universe itself. I embraced, at one remove, the calamity, the agony, the extraordinary power of each moment which reveals us. I could feel all the pain, all the fullness, no escape! But I sensed all along that I was made differently, and could express at a bigger macro. What does that mean! So I set out to discover that scale and context.
I now know that I live on the Eternal Economy~ I trust the universe to bring me before the right people, who wish to reveal themselves further. I do not like to market for money. I like to reach out and be visible, be approached, give my attention and tutoring, deliver the goods, and receive compensation for my time and skill. I still feel, at age 65, that it is all philosophy, theology, creation stories, storytelling~ your engagement and desire plus my time, dedication, love, aversion, and learned techniques. I have a fee structure so that I may continue to live and work where I have most effect. Eventually I will need and have much more funding, for travel around the world in enactment of my projects.
I believe in the process. I believe that everyone is correct and all things are true, in their own context and at their own level of scale. No one needs to be forgiven. We are all here together, and elsewhere. Let us express with great power, and let it be beautiful. The extremes of ugliness and cruelty are just as present as the beauty of the creative moment. Destruction is here, and so is a beginning. I believe in all of it. Tell me what you want to do. I will listen, and if I can, I will help you to find your ceiling, floor, window, doorway, vision, or rest. It is my honor and pleasure to do so, and people tell me that they enjoy the methods I offer, and do find inner positive change which they can keep. I started in the natural world looking for a real change. So I assume you need more than theory and words, too.
Lastly, I do not believe that the Universe was created from nothing. I believe that everything was created from something, and I have no need at all to describe that something. I just mention it because it gives me a slightly different perspective. And always, what I am interested in, is YOUR vision and request, because that is what brings you here. I work with macros of consciousness all the time, and call them Archangels, but that is a topic I approach with no common boundaries, so each person must inquire in their own way. I have learned a lot, I have many deep and some rare skills, and I can teach them to you, or listen to you as you inquire into practical eternity.
Ferol